It is said that ‘the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree’. Families have long been at the center of communities, connecting individuals to each other on both a personal and professional level. But, when the apple falls far from the tree what does this mean? It commonly expresses the idea that one’s characteristics, values, behavior and interests are inherited from their parents. It could also mean that the apple may take a different trajectory and strike out in an unrelated direction. In either sense, it is worth asking how and why such scenarios arise.
The primary reason an apple may fall far from the tree is due to the choices of the individual. It is possible for them to acquire their own set of values or to follow behavioral patterns established by someone other than their parent or family. This could be as a result of learning from friends, teachers or even independently. Whatever informs their decisions, the apple can end up in a totally different place from its progenitor.
Another consideration is that the ‘tree’ itself may have strong influences from a different family or culture. People can marry into a family from a different background, bringing practices and beliefs from the new family. Whatever conflicts that may arise, the apple can certainly fall far from the tree in such circumstances. This can often lead to changes in lifestyle and may involve a notable shift in attitude.
It is also possible that the apple just misses the tree due to a lack of understanding or literacy. A person may be unaware of a family’s combined culture or social values, or be dissociated from it emotionally. Without the knowledge, it would be difficult for the apple to remain within the tree and such a situation can add to the visible differences.
In the end, it is important to note that ‘when the apple falls far from the tree’ doesn’t necessarily need to be viewed negatively. Appreciating the potential for individual growth, change and diversity opens the door for new ideas, goals and perspectives. Families should be supportive and work to understand any differences of opinion, instead of preventing exploration or uncomfortable topics.
The Impact On Self Identity
When the apple falls far from the tree, the implications for one’s sense of identity can be profound. It can lead to a sense of estrangement, otherwise known as ‘Arnold’s alienation’, and can cause confusion and restlessness in those affected. Despite feeling a lack of connection to their family, self identity can be found through greater exposure to the outside world and engaging in personal reflection.
There is also a potential that being an apple that has fallen far from the tree can bring higher levels of accomplishment in life. Those removed from family traditions and expectations, free from cultural conditioning and a sense of obligation, can find themselves in a better position to be independent, creative or assertive. Identifying with such characteristics can be liberating and give a newfound sense of purpose.
In many cases, those who have successfully achieved a sense of self identity outside of family may recognize that it is their opposing qualities or the very act of not falling in line with expectations that provides fulfillment. These individuals generally possess insight and resilience, qualities which can help empower them in life. Ultimately, when the apple falls far from the tree there is a unique journey which can be both impressive and difficult.
The Conflict That Can Arise When The Apple Falls Far From The Tree
When the apple falls far from the tree there can be opposing feelings of disappointment and entitlement. Family members can become agitated and may feel that their values and beliefs have been undermined or dishonored. This situation can also bring up perceptions of injustice, as it can be perceived that the apple has somehow ‘cheated their way out’ and has benefited from a privileged position.
For the apple, there may be feelings of hurt or not being accepted. The apple may feel the need to justify their position and feel the need to debate their individual rights. This can bring about significant tension between the apple and the tree, especially if the apple is perceived to be vilifying the roots from which they grew.
It is important to recognize that in such a situation, there can also be moments of understanding. Interest and appreciation for the diversity of traits can be shared and differences in opinion, values and beliefs can be discussed with mutual respect. If opened up correctly and respectfully, these situations can lead to remarkable learning experiences and positive relationships.
The Implications Of Living A Life Far From The Tree
When the apple falls far from the tree, it can be difficult to find understanding and support. People who live a life outside of what is assumed or expected of them may on occasion struggle to explain their circumstances or defend why they are following a different route. This can give rise to feelings of guilt and of not belonging, either to their family or the wider community.
In the end, a person should be encouraged to confidently pursue their own pathway, whatever it may be. This can be especially challenging if family traditions are seriously disregarded, however there is value in standing up for what an individual believes in. It can also lead to a more open and meaningful dialogue and an opportunity to bridge any generational divides.
It’s All About Perspective
When the apple falls far from the tree, perspective can be a powerful tool in understanding the various positions. For the tree, the perspective of family responsibilities, heritage and tradition needs to be taken into account. For the apple, the perspective of individual growth, freedom and new experiences should be provided with equal respect. By doing this, both sides can start to appreciate the perspective of the other and gain a greater understanding of their position.
Ultimately, validation is key and should not be underestimated. If the tree can accept that the apple wants to pursue a path different to theirs, and appreciate the personal growth, it makes the situation much more efficient and manageable. Similarly, the apple must recognize that the tree is coming from a good place and value the traditions they are trying to protect.
Breaking Family Norms
When the apple falls far from the tree, a break from cultural and family norms can naturally occur. These could involve certain behavioral changes, personal interests, hobbies or career objectives. In such a situation, family members need to be conscious of respecting these new ideas and aspirations and should refrain from asserting their own ideals.
Family members should instead listen and discuss opportunities that may be available. Giving constructive feedback and signposting resources can help the apple make considered decisions and more effective choices in movement forwards. In return, the apple should be considerate of the wider family and respect their ideas and opinions, no matter how different.
Breaking family norms can also involve applying for career opportunities in non-traditional industries or taking up hobby activities that the family may initially reject. In these cases it is important for the family to recognise the individual’s pursuit and be supportive in their development. By having an open and trusting dialogue, it is possible for the apple to stay grounded and to remain rooted in their family heritage.
The Role Of Communication
When the apple falls far from the tree, communication plays a key role in avoiding conflict and establishing understanding. Communication has the power to overcome differences, build trust and understanding and to create a sense of cohesion. Open conversations can provide both sides with the opportunity to express their feelings and to discuss approaches to bridging the gap.
At this point, it is essential to learn how to successfully present thoughts, feelings and ambitions. Doing this in a respectful, honest and articulate manner gives the tree and the apple a valuable tool to work collaboratively towards a shared and healthier understanding. By actively engaging in such a discourse, tips and advice can be discussed in order to bring the apple back to the tree.
Communication should also be used to encourage the apple to seek out alternative individuals, activities and circumstances. This can ultimately result in the apple becoming more independent and emotionally mature. Ultimately, communication plays an important role in helping the apple stay grounded, while also exploring and understanding their own individual and unique identity.
